Why Bob’s Secret Admirer Hasn’t Got A Chance

December 7th, 2011 | Posted in nutjob hills | Comments Off

I found out something today that is going to make it pretty much guaranteed that Bob’s not-quite-so-secret admirer is definitely not going to get what she wants. I can’t say whether or not Bob is doing this deliberately, though I wouldn’t put it past him for a second, but today he started making it pretty clear that he’s interested in someone else.

I could say that this has been coming for a while now, or at least it LOOKS that way. For quite a while now Bob has been shall we say, infatuated, with a certain female rock star. He’s been collecting all of her albums for quite a while now. I understand that he even took a few of them, along with a CD player and a stock of batteries, with him when he went to the Minecraft universe for several months.

He’s decided that he is going to meet her and has started making preparations for this event in spite of how unlikely I’ve been trying to tell him that it is. He has bought a Fender Stratocaster and has begun taking lessons. He intends to become good enough that he can join her band as part of a plan to get close to her on a regular basis.

I asked him why he decided on the Stratocaster because while I don’t know a lot about that sort of thing I do know that there are plenty of less expensive models to choose from. He said that he wanted to develop a classic sound like several big time musicians that used the Stratocaster like Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn.

He’s really dead set on making a huge impression and the Stratocaster’s design, the choice of woods used, the single coil pickups and more all contribute to it’s singularly unique tone that he is going to use as part of his plan to stand out enough to get her attention quickly.

He’s certain that once he has her attention his “amazing personality” (his words, not mine) will take over and do the rest of the job of winning her over.

Regardless of the several doubts I have about his being able to achieve his goal I have a hard time picturing him mastering that legendary guitar at all. Not only is he just plain too small to handle it, he’s proven over the years that he is absolutely tone deaf and usually has less than a ten minute attention span. (except of course when it comes to “Babes of Star Trek gone wild”, he could watch them for days at a time.)

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