A New Target

March 20th, 2010 | Posted in nutjob hills | Comments Off

I just found out that one of the new residents here in Nutjob Hills is what you could call a “Big & Tall” guy. He’s tall, as in like six foot five, Rumor has it that when he moved in somebody saw him unloading one of those expensive ultra-heavy duty scales. One of those really hard to find kind that can actually measure up to five hundred pounds. I’m not saying that’s how much he weighs but if he needs a scale with that much capacity it must be impressive.

I also have to say that I’m not condemning the man for his weight (those who live in glass houses and all that.), I’m just pointing out that it’s considerable because it’s relevant to the story.

You see, when Mr. Helpful heard the word about this guy’s weight he decided that he had to find out for himself. I’m not exactly sure how he did it but he managed to get the guy to let slip that yes, he was trying to lose weight. That’s all it took.

Mr Helpful wasn’t seen anywhere for a full two days. Apparently he went into full research mode looking for the best solution. After two days I smelled something really bad drifting in the breeze coming from Mr. Helpful’s house and I knew that he was working on some concoction. Probably the latest version of the “weight loss shake” that he tried to get me to drink a few months back.

All I can say about that drink is that I don’t care if it IS better than the world’s best weight loss pills, I’m not gonna drink it and I advise anyone else not to either. Given the smell and what I was pretty sure it was, I headed over to the new guy’s house, hoping to get there before Mr. Helpful finished his medieval smelling concoction.

I got there and there was no sign of Mr. Helpful. I introduced myself and launched into my information campaign, warning him about Mr. Helpful’s concoction. Once he’d agreed to be wary of the stuff, I proceeded to tell him about some of my adventures with Mr. Helpful and gave him the best advice I could. Above all, don’t let that guy believe you have a problem whether you do or don’t. He just can’t resist the urge to “help” and that help is almost always more trouble than it’s worth. In the case of anything you’re supposed to ingest or apply to your body it can be downright dangerous.

Technorati Tags: humor, nutjob, bizarre, mr. helpful, nutjob hills, weird, odd

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