What would life be like if I lived somewhere other than here in good old Nutjob Hills? I can’t honestly begin to guess. I’ve lived here for nigh on fifteen years now and after having become accustomed to the strange quirks of many of the locals here I honestly don’t think I could deal with living in a so-called “normal” city anymore. In spite of how much I often complain about this place and the strange denizens that inhabit it, it’s become home and I have no intention to ever leave.
Besides, where else can you find people who regularly do things like smear their entire bodies with sandwich spread and when you ask them why they did it they explain that they’re using it to develop a revolutionary new acne product that just happens to be based on a popular national brand of sandwich spread?
Where else would you find a man that always, always, always has a bologna sandwich on hand and is likely to put it out, take a bite or two, and then put it back into his pocket?
Where else would you find a guy like Mr. Helpful who can, and often does, find something that he is certain will “help” you in some way or another and knock on your door at three o’clock in the morning to tell you about it, excited like a kid on Christmas morning?
And that’s just a few examples off the top of my head. This place is just too much. I’ll probably be writing about it for years to come.
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